Struggling to stop using meth and doing chemsex? You are not alone. Meth or Methamphetamine (aka ‘Crystal’, ‘Ice’ or ‘Tina’) causes problems for gay men. While it can immediately make you feel euphoric, horny and confident, even invincible, it is also highly addictive. Meth can cause you to panic, behave aggressively and have psychotic hallucinations. And it causes considerable damage to your physical health over the long term. Using meth during sex (chemsex) can alter the kinds of relationships you have and change your motivation around intimacy.
Many gay men have trouble moderating their use of crystal meth. Some find themselves in a cycle of chemsex addiction or in manipulative gay relationships. The relapse rate for this substance is very high. But it is possible to stop using meth. Don’t blame yourself for not being strong enough if don’t have the support you need to stop. A sex-positive gay therapist will be familiar with aspects of queer and gay life like coming-out, open relationships and chemsex.
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3 Myths that will Make it Harder for You to Stop Using Meth.
There are at least three persistent myths that sabotage men when they try to stop doing chemsex and meth…
#1 You Can’t Stop Using Meth (Yes, you can).
If someone tells you it is not possible to stop using meth, but only to manage your use, it’s usually because they have given up trying to stop themselves. Don’t believe them. They are not as motivated to stop using meth as you. Many people, gay, queer and straight, have successfully recovered from crystal meth addiction. If another meth user claims you can’t stop using meth, they are speaking under the influence of an addiction.
#2 Sex is an Addiction (No, it isn’t).
This myth is usually peddled by those with a religious agenda or TikTok influencers lacking qualifications but desperate for views. Sometimes they will be making claims about dopamine. But there is no science behind the concept of ‘sex addiction’. The idea of addiction to sex is not supported by either the American handbook or European and WHO classifications of disease. Competent psychotherapists sometimes refer to behavioural ‘compulsions’ when it comes to sex, but turning sexual activity, pornography use or time on dating apps like Grindr into a disease, disorder or pathology is pseudoscience. The part of chemsex that is addictive is not the sex but the chem aspect, the methamphetamine.
#3 To Stop Chemsex You Need a 12-step Program (No, you don’t).
Most adults have heard of AA or ‘Alcoholics Anonymous’ which is a ‘12-step program’. 12-step programs are often promoted as the only way for a person to recover from addiction. CMA or Crystal Meth Anonymous is another 12-step program. These programs have helped many people to stop using meth, but they don’t work for everyone, particularly those who are recovering from religious trauma or indoctrination. There is some evidence that science-based (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) programs like Smart Recovery are more effective.
Strategies to Stop Doing Chemsex and Using Meth.
People who manage to stop using meth usually engage a combination of supports.
#1 Get yourself a therapist.
Meeting with a private therapist or a counsellor from a public health stimulant treatment service can assist you to understand why you started using and what keeps you returning to using meth. Most importantly they can help you get back on track to stop using meth.
#2 Find an understanding GP.
There are several reasons why having a supportive GP is a must if you want to stop using meth. Firstly, only a GP can prescribe you medication that might assist you. A psychologist or mental health therapist won’t be able to prescribe it. Secondly, a GP can bill Medicare for a Mental Health Treatment Plan so that you can access up to 10 sessions of Focussed Psychological Strategies with a therapist each calendar year to assist you to stop using meth. And thirdly, your GP can help you with regular testing, management of or fear of HIV and treatment for STIs you might acquire during chemsex sessions.
Reducing the complications and sense of shame around methamphetamine use will help you to stop using meth.
#3 Engage in Smart Recovery to Stop Using Meth.
Smart Recovery is a CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) based program supported by scientific evidence. You can read helpful articles and get support anonymously online from the Smart Recovery website. Smart Recovery also run groups either in-person or online. You can increase the intensity of your involvement with Smart Recovery as required. Some people even attend groups daily. Smart Recovery is a non-profit and non-religious approach to addiction recovery that is empowering. It is not based on a belief in a higher power and does not require you to ‘admit powerlessness’ over an addiction.
#4 Develop a Self-Care Plan.
If you want to stop using meth, you need strategies for when you are tired, hungry, lonely, horny, angry or bored. Many queer and gay men trying to stop using meth spiral into self-hatred which keeps them trapped in cycles of chemsex relapse. Your therapist can help you deal with critical thoughts and steer you towards mindful self compassion which is a more effective and functional approach to overcoming addiction and other forms of life adversity.
#5 Schedule your time.
Activity scheduling is fundamental to recovering from crystal meth addiction. It involves not only planning productive, healthy uses of your time but new ways to relax and reset yourself. Reflecting on when you are most vulnerable and planning ahead is going to be essential if you want to stop using meth or participating in chemsex.
#6 Each time you relapse, call in more support.
Don’t give up. If you have a supportive gay mens therapist, a GP and you are involved with a recovery program and still relapsing, you can pull in more support. There are health retreats and treatment centres you can attend which create more distance from meth and give you the time for a complete break away. Your therapist can assist you to explore options.
Are You Suitable for Therapy to Stop Using Meth?
If you have decided to stop using meth, appointments with a private therapist can help you unpack what is driving you back into meth or chemsex. For some gay men, coming to terms with religious trauma, sexual assault or childhood neglect are part of the journey of addressing substance abuse. For others, crystal is associated with a yearning for belonging or party community. If you are considering therapy to stop using meth, the following questions will help determine whether private therapy is a suitable pathway for you.
Have you decided you have a problem with Crystal Meth?
Attending therapy will be more successful if you are committed to taking action. If you are unsure what you want to do about your relationship with meth, it can still be worth booking a counselling session to talk this over.
Can you afford to see a private therapist?
The confidentiality and privacy of one-to-one support with the same therapist is generally not fully covered by private health insurance or Medicare. You will need to budget for at least a co-payment as part of your recovery plan. If you are already in financial distress it might be more realistic for you to attend a public health stimulant treatment service to avoid falling into debt.
Will you be able to stop using meth around your counselling appointments?
If you want to stop using meth but already have a daily usage pattern, a detox or withdrawal service in a residential facility might be a better choice. Being under the influence of methamphetamine or other stimulants can sabotage therapy sessions.
Are you willing to engage in regular sessions?
Initially, this could mean as frequently as once a week depending on your pattern of usage. My recommendation is to attend at least the first 3 sessions either weekly or fortnightly at a minimum.
Schedule a meeting with a gay counsellor for chemsex or crystal meth
Some final thoughts if you want to stop using meth.
If you have found yourself struggling to avoid chemsex or stop using meth remember that willpower alone is not enough. Despite deciding to stop using meth and doing chemsex, many gay men relapse in secret every 2-3 months. If this is you, remember that others have tried and failed without adequate support. You don’t have to do this alone. Likewise, the challenge of returning to sober sex and changing your pattern of sex and intimacy also requires support.
Keep in mind that the kind of therapist you choose will have an impact on how comfortable you feel in therapy. An openly queer or gay counsellor can develop the trusting therapeutic association you require. Many queer and gay men tell me they tried with straight therapists who just did not relate to their lives and left them feeling even more gay shame and rejection.
If you are ready to make a start, contact me for appointment times or find out about fees and rebates for private counselling and therapy.
